Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
