fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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