is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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