What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
