I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
