Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
