I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
