i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
