I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
