So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
