dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
