shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
