the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
