this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
