I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
