Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
