it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
try to milk me bitch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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