I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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