Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
