Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
