Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
