Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
