you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
