How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am puke
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We had sex on a dog bed..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
