apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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