I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
