I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
