I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
