At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
