I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
