The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
