OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
vagina is talking i cant
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
