One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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