I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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