I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
