Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
