In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
