She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
