Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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