I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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