Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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