Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
