dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
