They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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