I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
