Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
