They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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