a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
