Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
