Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
